Sometimes as a mother of three little ones, I look at the day and wonder what we did.
Spills – check.
Meltdowns – definitely.
Band-aids – good thing we always stock up at the dollar store.
It’s so easy for me to think of all the things that were chaotic, exhausting, and stressful.
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But if I’m being completely honest, there are always just as many beautiful moments. They just get buried under the laundry, the errands, and the sleepless nights. They are so simple that I often forget they are actually are beautiful. Until I spot them in a photo. Or wish I had that photo.
I want to grab hold of these days that everyone tells me go so quickly. I can’t just let them slip through my fingers. The simple moments are some of the most meaningful ways to connect with children.
I see that all too familiar look when I glance over at grandparents gazing at my own children. It’s a longing. They don’t have to say what they are thinking. I already know – I’ve heard it at least 100 times before.
They wish they would have cherished the little moments more. My husband’s grandmother, who is almost 90 years-old, writes me letters occasionally. Each and every one of them say that she would love to have those years back and make more of them.
Thanks to grandma and every stranger I have turned into a friend while talking about their children or mine, I have decided that I will focus on those easy to miss moments. Because they are actually big moments… important moments.
Although still exhausting.
Five of the most meaningful ways to connect with children
1. Read Together
“Mommy, will you read this to me?”
I glance over my laptop to see a smiling face under wavy red hair. I think of all the things I was trying to accomplish.
But then I remember. He needs this. We need this.
I put the computer aside and stifle thoughts of e-mails and bills to the back of my brain.
I can always come back to the tedious tasks. They will be here waiting until we have finished The Gruffalo.
2. Laugh Together
I hear a little voice.
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?” I respond.
“Interrupting dinosaur.”
“Interrupting di–“
“ROAR!!!”
We burst out in laughter.
It’s OK that I’ve heard that joke every day for the past month. Each day they find it just as funny. Even our precious one-year-old giggles.
3. Get Close to One Another
Many mornings we have a routine.
“Mommy, why are you out of bed already? You didn’t snuggle me today yet.”
“I was getting your sister breakfast. Would you like some?”
“No…when you don’t lay with me, it makes me feel like you don’t love me.”
Caught off-guard, I start digging around in my mind for the right words to say. There are none. Words won’t justify the trillion reasons I love him.
“Go lie down. I’ll be there in two minutes to snuggle you.”
4. Play Together
Some of the hardest days I just want to rush them to bed, to decompress from all of the rough moments, and to bask in adult conversation, a great book, or silence. Then I hear a sweet voice.
“Mom, you be the bear, and I’ll be the mouse.”
I reluctantly join. By the end of the day, I just don’t have the energy to say “no” and hold to it.
“OK, but I thought the bear was your favorite.”
“It is, but I want you to have it.”
These moments before they fall asleep are like discovering treasure. I have learned it is the time when they generously share their secrets and innermost thoughts. The mouse holds back nothing when talking with the bear.
5. Make a Mess together
“Mom, can we make pancakes? I’ll crack the eggs and try not to spill them all over this time.”
I look at the clock. It’s an hour before we need to leave…we’ll need every minute.
“Oh, and can I stir and pour the milk too?”
I watch as the joy spreads from her face, through her arm, and into the whisk and the bowl. Flour spills over the side as she smiles and nods at me.
I tell her the truth. “These are the best pancakes ever!”
These are the moments, the small parts of our day that make a big impact. These are the simple times of our life that I remind myself are the most meaningful ways to connect with a child. They are the moments I know I will miss when I am sleeping through the night and have no messes to clean.
These are the moments that I almost missed…but didn’t.
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This is beautiful. Your words …thoughts… your mindset is spot on! How blessed your children are to have a Mom who is there.
I was fortunate to have parents like that for me and as well tried to be there for each of my four children. Now at sixty,,.a Nana to six and an active preschool teacher for forty + years…and still going strong!
My greatest blessings in my life have not only been my children (Those I have given birth to) but those children that I have been fortunate to have been able to help nurture and teach and learn from.
Time goes by so fast…and when you reflect back on your life (as I do now) it is a wonderful feeling to have helped to create good memories for your children to one day be able to reflect back on.
(Not when they are teenagers!!!however…gotta get through those times! LOL!).
Thanks for your blog on this.
Very touching!
Warmest Blessings to you,
Debbi
You are the absolute sweetest, Debbi. This message made my day! I am so thrilled for all of the children you get to care for and who have had you in their lives — your passion is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for all you do for young children!
I absolutely loved this! Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful words.
This means so much to me. I appreciate the sweet comment :).
Thank you for the reminder to slow down!
My pleasure! It’s definitely a reminder for me too :).
Oh my gosh by the time I was done reading this I was in tears. Everything you talked about I have already been through. I have a 25 yr old daughter. She has a wonderful husband, a 4 yr old daughter and a son on the way. I want to be there for her and my grand children. I do wish I could go back and do more with her when she was small. This is a wonderful site. keep up the good work.